Jasmine Soria Sears
Personalized
It is strange to be condescended to
By someone smaller and younger
Smiling up at your concerns
Repeating the standard protocols
As though your history of quick births
And painless labors
And late-breaking waters
Gives no hint of what’s to come
How early can I go to the hospital, you ask again
But she just repeats the 5-1-1 definition
Emphasizing that contractions are only real
When you can’t walk or talk
Last time, I walked until I started pushing.
She gives another blank smile
And another lecture on calling her office—not the hospital—
If you truly believe it’s time
How do I get to L&D?
She insists there’s a map online
Even though you’ve checked twice
And found only dead links
She asks for any other questions
Already standing and reaching for the door
And you swallow your concerns about cervix checks
And mandatory IV ports
Is it any wonder, then
That when the pressure starts
Ten seconds at a time
You go about your day, unsuspecting
And as the pressure creeps towards pain
Just shy of a full minute
Just shy of a full hour
You finally permit yourself a tiny rebellion
You call at six minutes apart
And reach—not the doctor—
But the clinic’s after-hours answering service
A robotic offer of an eventual callback
And then, still walking and talking
You feel new muscles engage
And your next phone call is to emergency services
As you shout for your husband
While he corrals the older children
Your water breaks in time with the dispatcher’s question
And suddenly the world is reduced
To towels layered on the bathroom floor
As the two of you follow the calm voice’s instructions
You realize you won’t need a map after all
Accidentally bypassing dismissive doctors
And inflexible protocols
The universe conspiring
To deliver you a personalized birth
As a dispatcher earns his stork pin
And a newborn squalls in her father’s arms
Jasmine Soria Sears is a Mexican-American author and mother of three. Jasmine grew up in Oregon; following a B.S. in English and a Ph.D. in Quantum Optics, she now works on Augmented and Virtual Reality from her home in Portland.