Review by Sara Epstein
Suzette Mullen is the founder of Your Story Finder nonfiction book coaching and a founding board member of the Lancaster (PA) LGBTQ+ Coalition. Her “tiny love story,” the seed which became this book, was published in the New York Times “Modern Love” column.
This memoir The Only Way Through is Out is Suzette Mullen’s first book. It is her poignant story of coming out as a lesbian in her fifties, when she reckons with having been in love with her best friend (a straight woman) for 18 years. She has been in a safe, comfortable marriage to a man and had raised two boys into adulthood when she confronts the truth of her identity and desires. In this journey of self-discovery and introspection, she learns to challenge societal norms. She must deal with the intricacies of navigating her sexuality within the confines of traditional family life.
The conflict between what a part of her knew and what she (and other important people in her life) expected of herself went on for years, but gradually she learned to listen to her insistent inner voice. “The Voice knew something my logical self didn’t.” (29) In the process of listening, some of her earlier dreams and expectations had to be abandoned.
For those who have experienced a similar mid-life change in direction, the book will likely be validating, inspiring and perhaps painful to read. By going back and forth in time for most of the book, she shows both the conventional, heteronormative life she was living, and just how much courage it took for her to come out. This is a book that touches the universal by describing the details, like a good poem. Reading between the lines, the book offers insights about authenticity, acceptance, and the human capacity for change.
Mullen wrote the book “For every person who longs to live out loud but is afraid of the cost” (dedication page). This book is a personal and effective memoir of coming out and coming into one’s own, full of the bittersweet experiences which accompany courageous changes in our lives.
The Only Way Through Is Out by Suzette Mullen
University of Wisconsin Press, February 2024
250 pp. 5.5 x 8.5Cloth $26.95
ISBN 9780299345501
Bar of Rest, Sara Epstein’s first book of poetry, was published by Kelsay Books (2023). Sara Epstein’s poems have appeared in Poetry Quarterly, Amethyst Review, Chest Journal, Nixes Mate Review, Plainsongs, museum of americana, among others. In addition to writing poetry, Sara Epstein is a psychologist who works with children and adults.