Kara Melissa
Cerebral Palsy Took All the Words from My Son
“If you listen you can hear me. My mouth is open, and I am singing.”
-“Fathers and Sons” from Mortal Remains by Patrick Lane
I imagine my son. Trying so hard to get a sound out. His mouth is open. His soft, red lips shaped in a big O. Many strangers mistake it as a yawn. “Oh, he’s tired.” No, he’s not, I think to myself. But I smile and walk on. Sometimes it’s just easier. I always choose carefully who is worth ‘the conversation,’ the one that explains why his mouth opens into an “o” when he wants to communicate.
We are at home. I sing made-up songs in an off-key voice, coaxing him to look into the mirror in front of us. His chin tilts up, and he smiles. His mouth is open. I hear the happiness in his mostly silent giggle. He has so much to say. Sometimes his smile speaks for him.
His Papa-daddy arrives home from work. He is so happy. His mouth is open. He’s making sounds. Telling his daddy about his day. We all smile. We imagine what he’s thinking. As if the invisible waves from the sounds could tell us. Maybe in another world.
I am picking him up from school. His mouth is open. He’s telling me a story about the friends in his class that hug him down the slide and whisper ‘Bastian, I love you’ into his ear. He’s grinning. His eyes sparkle. Sound emerges but no words.
We settle into the rocking chair for bedtime. His mouth is open. He chooses an Elephant and Piggie book and helps read it, laughing in-between the conversation of his favorite duo, Gerald and Piggie. He taps a pre-recorded switch with words from the story.
We are in the car on the way home from school. His mouth is open. ‘What Kind of Cat are You?’ Billy Jonas sings wildly through the surround sound speakers in the car. My son sings too. His voice swells from inside him, escaping his mouth in an excited moan.
I am listening.
Kara Melissa (she/her), a transplant Torontonian and mama of two (teen and tween). An international teacher, turned SAHM when her son was diagnosed with cerebral palsy, she provides free writing workshops for folks in need, in addition to disability advocacy work. You can find her work in the The Manifest Station, The Calendula Review, Tampa Review, Drunk Monkeys, Today’s Parent, and elsewhere. She holds an MFA in Creative Writing, Nonfiction, from Antioch University LA. She is a 2022 recipient of an AWP Intro Journals Project Award. Visit karamelissa.com for more.